i've been watching a lot of movies lately and it seems that about 80% are about drugs or have drug related themes. namely, coke and heroin. Half Nelson - crackhead teacher, Gone Baby Gone - coke snorting child molesters and dealers. The Punisher - drug trafficking and that was just this weekend. plus i just read this book called Dope, which, obviously, i was asking for it. but the book is about the 1950s underground heroin scene in New York. and its CRAZY. you read these things and watch this stuff and you wonder why anyone ever starts. i know i'm being idealistic, but i wonder how different our country would be without coke and heroin. would there be less homeless? less underprivileged lower class? fewer gangs? i don't know. i think if i had one thing i could do for humanity, it wouldn't be cure to cancer or AIDS or remedy world hunger or stop the terrorists. it would be make coke and heroin and any means of making them, natural or synthetic, just disappear. you can't cure disease because it'll just mutate into something more awful and you can't feed all the hungry, because they'll just create more mouths to feed and you can't stop people from supposedly following their faith. but if you can take away a factor that destroys you from the inside out, then maybe there's still hope for humanity. i sometimes stop and step back to look at this world that we've created and i wonder how we got here. the quality of life for so many people just sucks and honestly it's not going to change for them. i worry about how much longer before we destroy everything. heh, i guess it'd be one thing to shoot up to get away from all this, but that's just being idealistic again. seriously though, that shit is scary.

i'm tooting my own horn. hehehe. school has started. the children are back. the world has returned to it's former crazyness. we have to call the parents of our homeroom kids once a week to update them on how their kid's doing. i HATE this. it's hands down the worst part of my job. i never do it and i've been written up twice for not completing my phone log (this is where you write down what you talk about) on time or ever. it's the first week of school and i've already made contact and talked to ALL my HR parents. i turned in my phone log before school even started and i have i finished it again for this week too. that's twice in a row... at the beginning of the year!! its unheard of for me. so yay. i'm super happy.

on a different note, i got a spiffy new phone. it's a blackberry pearl and i got a bluetooth headset, so now i'm just like all those annoying people you hate with the blinking blue ear. i gotta tell you though. it's super cool. talking on the phone is so much better when you don't actually have to be on the phone.

i never really thought i had a pet peeve, i mean a lot of things are mild irritations but not blanketly. it's usually very dependent on the person and the particular thing they're doing. today, i discovered that i have an honest to goodness, nails on the chalkboard, pet peeve: when people message you in weird letters and acronyms instead of actual words. like i get that kids today are all about the omg and lol's but seriously, when you're almost 30 i feel like you need to speak in real words. for example: Gd everng hw r u 2day and hw was ur day? (real message by the way) is it really that hard to say, how are you? seriously, who talks like that!!

i have never really been very good at returning phone calls because i don't ever call people with a need for something. i don't need anything from anyone and i figure people don't really need anything from me but apparently i'm mistaken. i had surgery and i'm in a cast with crutches and i'm not supposed to be able to do anything but i keep being left to my own devices for the last couple of days and i've realized that i really don't need anyone to take care of me. i always thought that i was the kind of person who would never be able to function on my own, that i'd always need someone but what i've realized is that i'm FIERCELY independently. i mean i'm in a cast on crutches with a foot that is constantly hurting and i've managed to take care of myself. i don't need anyone. and it's not because i don't have anyone. i feel like i could call a handful of people that would come to my aide, but i don't need anyone to do that, not to mention that the only thing that would cause me to do something like that is if i were physically unable to help myself. i'm so weird. i want very much for someone to take care of me but i don't know how to let anyone. 

i have an extra bone in my foot and it's not healing (i also have an extra bone in my back but that's besides the point., although the r-xay is really cool). apparently a broken bone takes 6-8 weeks to heal. it's been 7 weeks and my damaged/bruised bone that's not supposed to be in my foot is not healing. i didn't really think it was not healing, but apparently this is the case. the testament to this is that my doctor touched my ankle today at approximately 3pm and it's now approximately 10pm and it still F*CKING hurts!!!!!!!!!  i hate my foot. i have to have my bone removed. surgically. i have to have surgery. surgery sucks. they're going to remove this bone i don't need and then i have to be on crutches for 6 weeks and oh yeah, bed rest for 2 weeks. bed rest!!!! i can't DO anything on bed rest. i don't handle down time very well. it's very upsetting. oh, but here are some interesting things i've learned this week:

tina fey is left-handed.
keri russell is left-handed.
august rush is a great movie.
the queen is a boring movie because i don't give a rat's ass about princess diana.
richard simmons is left-handed.
noel gallagher and ringo starr are left-handed.
i have mastered guitar hero on level medium.
i is poor yo.
shiraz is an acceptable red wine.
sarah jessica parker and matthew broderick are the most awesome left-handed power couple ever.
kermit the frog is left-handed.
i am a chicken.

left-handedness is cool. (i didn't learn that this week but i thought i'd share).

i'm having major anxiety. MAJOR anxiety. anxiety to the point where i'm having anxiety about my anxiety. i couldn't sleep last night. i tried watching how i met your mother. i tried watching wings. i tried reading harry potter. nothing worked. i thought if i called someone and talked about how i was having anxiety it would decrease my anxiety about my anxiety but it didn't. it did however lead to the world's longest conversation about capitalization and punctuation. but i couldn't sleep. i just sat in the dark until my eyes adjusted to the point that i could read the titles of the books on my bookshelf. also, reading book titles - doesn't help with insomnia. finally i just started writing. i got out my computer and starting writing a fictional story until i passed out over my laptop. needless to say i was late to school this morning. i also broke my favorite pink headband. did i mention i was having anxiety...

i have exciting news. but first a little back story. on april 17, i fell off a ladder and broke my ankle. we were setting up for prom and profanecherry told me NOT to get on the ladder until she came back and as soon as she left i got on the ladder and promptly fell 8 ft onto the newly varnished hardwood floors. i then put on my pretty dress and heels and partied with the kids. the next day i discovered my ankle was broken. i'm now wearing this gigantic gray boot on my leg and it's annoying. my ankle also hurts alot. in addition to this graduation is in 2 weeks and the seniors are all falling apart and the atmosphere at school is stressful to say the least. the drama class (my class) is putting on the spring play on tuesday and 2 days ago i find out that one of my actors can no longer be in the play and must be replaced. in addition no one has their lines memorized so yesterday we cut out 2/3 of the play.  i also had two banquets to go to this week and i'm just plain tuckered out.
ok this brings us to tonight. my ankle is THROBBING and i have no desire to see anyone or go anywhere. hell i don't even want to drink, i just want to sit on my couch, eat burger joes and watch how i met your mother. unfortunately, when i'm stressed out, i have the overwhelming desire to buy things and this point my desire to not move is totally kicking the ass of my desire to buy things. but the desire to buy things is still putting up a good fight, leaving me with a nagging sensation in the pit of my stomache. SOOOOOO.... i look at my dvds and realize that i don't have wings seasons 5 or 6. so i travel to amazon.com (which i was boycotting for certain reasons up until 5 minutes ago) and saw that they were on sale. $20 bucks a piece and free shipping, so i thought what the hell, and bought them and then i got another $5 off for god knows what reason. long story short: on wednesday i will own all but the last season of Wings!!!!!!!!!!! you may all celebrate now. *does the happy dance*

christmas is in 261 days. yes, i know this. yes, i'm lame. and yes, i'm ok with being lame. i keep thinking about the things that'll be different when christmas actually rolls around. i suppose it's not that big a deal, but still. a lot can happen in 261 days and right now i'm just gonna bank on good things happening.
on a brighter note, it's spring break, woo-hoo!!  it's strange because i have all this time free time and i don't know what to do with it. i don't really need any sleep because i'm not tiring myself out. i think i need to do something strenuous tomorrow. i have a full day planned so i'm kind of excited, except that it's really not that exciting. i'm getting my oil changed at one place, then across town to get my tires rotated and balanced. then to buy beer for my dad, then to find costumes for the show we're doing at school "Busybody", then i was thinking about going to IKEA, just because i haven't been there in a really long time. then to the mall to find something to wear to prom. i'd kind of like to go to piedmont park in the midst of all that simply because since they're not having the dogwood festival there this year, i won't get my yearly piedmont park fix if i don't go. and i need to write my proposal to the board of directors to ask them to let me wear my nose stud to school and i figure i can do that in the park. check me out with the all the plans and shit. it's going to be a very good day.
fyi, i'd like to point out that i'm like a cult leader and my all my minions will be addicted to How I Met Your Mother. Seriously, it's awesome and i'm going to take over the world with this show. it's gonna be legend... wait for it... dairy! what up!!!!!

i got a hair cut. i got to the salon thinking to myself, maybe 3 or 4 inches and then i walked in and found myself saying, how short would my hair be if i lost 10 inches. and then i found myself saying, do it, cut it off! and then, then my friends, i freaked out. my hair iz shouuurt. i haven't decided if i like it.  i'm leaning towards yes, but only when its pulled back.  i have bangs, that's kind of exciting. anyway, i have a lack of hair. i also went to go see Avenue Q at the Fox yesterday. it was a lot of fun. we went to to vortex and i hadn't been there in forever. it was awesome. today i went to a jazz concert and it was pretty amazing. i find that i'm happier than i've been in a really long time. it's really strange. i had a really good day at school today. that never happens. for the first time, i'm thinking maybe change isn't so bad.

i got locked *into* school today. i was at school so long everyone just assumed no one else was there. this was depressing. i had a massive anxiety attack after going through all the senior cruise stuff and then i started on the prom stuff so i went out into the hall with a tape measure because i needed to know how long 75ft actually is and then the alarm went off. i cried for a good long time and theoretically i've washed away the anxiety, but i don't know how well that's actually going. On the bright side, i've decided that "how i met your mother" is my current favorite tv show. barney aka dougie howser is ridiculously amazing.